There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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