and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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