If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
