I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
