I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
