Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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