He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
