so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
