I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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