He is an equal opportunity slut.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
