Michael Bay diarrhea
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ketchup is God's man juice
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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