why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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