:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
