she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
