i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
