I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
