my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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