Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
