hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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