I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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