Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
