I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
