There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
