meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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