Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
