Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
