Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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