it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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