what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
