This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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