and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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