I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
