I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
