my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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