Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3580) Bad night (768)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

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  (206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe. http://tfl.nu/i5qc
  Replies (8) Good night (614) Bad night (1907)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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  (781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s
  Replies (17) Good night (3307) Bad night (577)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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  (612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo
  Replies (79) Good night (17998) Bad night (935)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts

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  (404): don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts http://tfl.nu/dnse
  Replies (13) Good night (4203) Bad night (1061)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

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  (304): yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at. http://tfl.nu/ro5c
  Replies (12) Good night (6017) Bad night (1186)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

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  (615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy
  Replies (5) Good night (4506) Bad night (823)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.

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  (732): Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million. http://tfl.nu/4jbr
  Replies (25) Good night (999) Bad night (4124)
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  (707): View more from California

  The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

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  (707): The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends http://tfl.nu/16wy
  Replies (11) Good night (3300) Bad night (819)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

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  (815): This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years. http://tfl.nu/zacn
  Replies (5) Good night (1489) Bad night (546)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.

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  (920): I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background. http://tfl.nu/kwpk
  Replies (6) Good night (1079) Bad night (396)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (382) Bad night (897)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.

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  (248): I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex. http://tfl.nu/x4c4
  Replies (8) Good night (240) Bad night (637)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (470) Bad night (242)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.

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  (304): I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned. http://tfl.nu/jnka
  Replies (5) Good night (775) Bad night (256)

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