Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!