what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually