my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home