Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.