im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.