She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
