It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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