i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
