Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
