The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
