Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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