every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
