I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
