Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
