I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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