just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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