ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Congratulations! We have a period
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
