you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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