there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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