Say something about gay babies.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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