Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
