just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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