we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
