Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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