I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
