4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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