I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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