Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
