i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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