so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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