Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
